These are real because the newspaper I got them from said so.
However, they provided no pictures, and those would be nice to have.

HUGE MONSTER CHEETO! VERY RARE!
"Absolutely humongous Cheetos glob in a solid mass. This baby tips the scales at a whopping .60 ounces."

BRAD PITT FART IN A JAR!
Sold for $31.

A DRUNKEN PHONE CALL FROM ME!
"Here's how it works. I drink a lot, I call you."

BUCKET OF HOT AIR!
"This Bucket of Hot Air comes from the Piedmont area of North Dakota. Used in balloons, air mattresses, lungs, etc."

STRONG BAD BREAKFAST BURRITO!
"You are bidding on an almost-mint-condition Breakfast Burrito. There is some chipping, a few scrapes and some minor eating damage. It used to belong to this guy Strong Bad. He's some type of wrestler."
This auction was canceled after someone reportedly named The King of Town ate the rest of the burrito.

WORLD'S LARGEST UNDERPANTS!!
"Largest underwear made! These all-cotton 'Whitey Tighteys' have a 100-inch waist!"

RETURN TO THE MAIN PAGE!