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OK, dudes, here's what I want to see in comics:
1. More blood and gore. Not that guy who says he invented the Internet,
but actual gore. The Joker killing often enough to set city bus
schedules by is good for a start, but I want *more*! 'Cause blood and
gore is, like, da bomb. And it's all gross and stuff. Speakin' of Joker,
make it so Batman acts all badass and treats Robin and everyone near
him like crap... 'cause not havin' friends and havin' bad social skills
is a true sign of badass-ness. I should know... I've been livin' in my
parents' basement and spendin' all my non-work time down here alone
since I was 19! I rock!
2. More stories with those two great characters from that "Death and
Return of Superman" saga, Doomsday and the Cyborg Superman. Doomsday
rocks 'cause he, like, killed Superman and stuff while the JLA and the
other heroes didn't do jack to help Supes stop him... that makes him
awesome! And Cyborg Superman looks kewl, and looks nothing like those
robots in "Terminator 2"! Both of these bad guys are gonna come back a
*lot* in the future to fight the Big Blue Boy Scout over and over!
(Yeah, there's Steel and the new Superboy too, but as if those two will
ever amount to anything---Steel's just a ripoff of Iron Man, and that
new Superboy sucks with his leather jacket and glasses and stuff. 'Cause
everyone knows Superman can be the *one and only* Kryptonian left alive
in any way shape or form, and nobody else can have the big red "S",
man! Plus next thing ya know, they'll be bringin' back Krypto and the
Phantom Zone and General Zod and all that other pre-Crisis crap! At
least that new Supergirl chick looks hot, though--- and her origin, like
Hawkman's, is way easier to understand than the crappy pre-Crisis
ones!)
3. I want lots of appearances with the one of the greatest villains of
all time... yes, I'm talkin' about the "Big E" himself, dudes,
*ECLIPSO*! Dr. Doom and Joker and all those kewl Image bad guys got
nothin' on Eclipso! With his black jewel-thingies and his ability to
shoot generic energy blasts, he *rocks*! And he can, like, eclipse
people... or something... that's so kewl! Plus his costume looks a lot
like the Green Goblin's... or Mel Gibson's half-painted-blue face in
that "Braveheart" movie! That's awesome. I've got all the special issues
of "Eclipso: The Darkness Within" and the Eclipso series---they're
gonna be worth a fortune, dudes! The only way it'd be greater is if
there was a female Eclipso... like that Jean Loring chick got turned
into one or something... 'cause she'd look hot. So would that Mary
Marvel chick if she got turned evil, too...
4. A new JLA cartoon. Not that crappy Superfriends, but a new one
starring the guys from "Justice League America" and "Extreme Justice."
'Cause anything with "extreme" in it *ROCKS*, man! Just don't be all
P.C. and make Green Lantern that John Stewart guy, 'k?
5. Make Catwoman's breasts bigger. She looks hot now, but Power Girl's
givin' her a run for the money... make her costume all purple and have
her pose all hot-like on the covers and stuff, too! Only way it'd be
hotter is if she got her own movie or somethin'...
6. Zero Hour was awesome! I'm glad they rebooted their timeline again,
and killed off those worthless old dudes from that Justice Society
thing! Like anyone wants to read about a bunch of old farts fighting
crime! "Extreme Justice" and "WildC.A.T.S.", all the way!
7. As great as the Spider-Clone is, I want more to top that... maybe,
uh, Professor X turning all evil and gigantic and powerful and stuff,
and goin' on a rampage that results in some heroes like that wussy 1950s
reject Capt. America getting rebooted like that awesome Zero Hour
story, only with hot new artists like Liefeld! Cause that'd be kewl.
8. Speakin' of Capt. America, one last thing, dudes: BATMAN MUST BEAT
THE CRAP OUT OF CAP! I want to see it happen, you want to see it happen,
so let's see it happen in a DC vs. Marvel crossover, huh?!
-B.
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