|THE INTERNET'S ONLY BULLGATOR AND AXL FANFICTION|
|"Gee, Bull. Is it true what the title says over there?"
"I'm afraid it is, Axl! You see, even though Taz-Mania was just as good as every other brilliant early 90's Warner show, there are no sites devoted to us, whereas there are 7800 still devoted to Animaniacs."
"But, ahhh, I don't know, Bull....weren't our backgrounds less detailed and our music less exciting?"
"Axl, you pip, you just said something stupid. You are right, but you said something stupid. It's time for a LESSON."
"Oh, a lesson! Teach me, oh master!!"
*Bull raises club*
|"Uhm, gee, Bull....is that supposed to be us?"
"I'm afraid so, Axl. This is Platypus Comix's cheap way of not wanting to spend the time creating a Bullgator Lesson Whack Anim-GIF."
"Oh dear, Bull...is that Buddy Boar guy directing our cartoon again?"
"No, Axl...with this degree of sloppiness, I'd say it would have to be that guy who directed The Country Bears."
"You mean Peter Hastings, Bull? He worked for Pinky and the Brain, you know."
"Yes, but then he left for Disney. And that is a lesson learned the hard way, Axl... my dear club could not have hit a harder lesson than the one he got."
"So, Bull, what are we going to do today? Are we going to trap a wild tasmanian devil for the zoo-going children of the world?"
"No, today's itinerary is different. While doing so would bring me great pleasure, I believe there's a greater task to accomplish today, and that is explain why Taz-Mania was a good show, the likes of which will never be seen again."
"Gee, Bull, I watched an episode from the first season and fell asleep. It was relaxing though."
"Indeed, Axl. This show didn't get off to a good start. Through the first season and some of the second, it wasn't all that great. However, our third and biggest season, with 3 times as many episodes as any before it, was awesome and clever, ranking us among the greats, such as Buster and Babs."
"No relation, huh, Bull?"
"Indeed, Axl, indeed...NO RELATION. Taz-Mania was handled by a studio that had nothing to do with Tiny Toons or any of those others. But we came out just as good, and that certainly proves something."
"Why, I certainly believe it does!"
"Gee, Bull, isn't that a TASMANIAN DEVIL??"
"Indeed, Axl, while you are astute and sharp, this is NOT the kind of tasmanian devil we want to trap."
"You know, I couldn't help but eavesdrop on your lively conversation there! A bunch of yackity-smackity-blah-blah! But you can't forget, all talent in the Warner animation department was dueled out by the president of WB animation at the time, Jean MacCurdy. While my wife may share the same name, and the same taste for OJ bless her, *canned laughter*, "Jean shares a connection to both programs. She just put talent where it would do best. She stepped down in 1999, about the time Ash Ketchum destroyed all hope of networks ever spending money on a good show again. Well, I gotta be heading out, I got a bunch of blah-blah-yackity-smackity to take care of! See ya round, fellas!"
"Gee Bull, I think our audience is getting bored right now. We stated too many nerdy facts."
"Right you are, Axl! We've got to get their attention again! After all, we have plenty more nerdy facts where that came from! Let's see...I believe if you juggle these chainsaws, the audience will be more than happy to listen to me drone on."
"Ahhh, okay Bull. You're so smart."
"Now that I have attention again, I'd like to point out the Taz-Mania title sequence. You know....come to Taz-Mania, come to Taz-Mania....that was pretty nifty animation, wasn't it, Axl?"
"It sure was, Bull! OW!! Little accident; I can continue."
"That's a good sidekick. Now, that opener was done by Startoons. A top-notch animation studio from Chicago, one of the few that wasn't in a foreign country. They did several episodes of Tiny Toons and Animaniacs, and even a few of Taz-Mania. We have John McClenahan, a talented animator, to thank for this great studio. And more importantly, they did "Thirteensomething," one of the best Tiny Toons episodes ever, and Spielberg agrees with that sentiment."
"Gee, Bull! I bet he's rich now!"
"I'm afraid not, Axl. Startoons had to close down when networks and studios didn't want to pay their prices anymore when they could pick up cartoons from other countries for cheaper. Business knows no decency."
"Where is McClenahan now, Bull?"
"He's in Germany, Axl. He's in Germany because, in his words, 'I have to feed my kids.' This is a disgrace, Axl. Let it be noted that if any of the characters in Platypus Comix were animated, Startoons would be the studio to do it, and the author would settle for nothing less. Of course, it would have to be revived for that, which pretty much stinks."
"What was his first job, Bull? I'm just curious."
"A show called 'Laverne and Shirley in the Army.' Seriously. The fact is, that cartoon is the center of the cartoon universe, like Kevin Bacon is the center of the movie universe."
"Can I stop juggling these chainsaws, Bull?"
"No, I'm not done yet. I'd like to say one last thing. Whenever you watch a cartoon, pay attention to the writer credits. Have you ever seen our authors Henry Gilroy or Art Vitello doing anything else?"
"That means Taz-Mania may have been the only place where they found work. And that goes to show you, talent means nothing. It doesn't even mean anything here--that's why this site averages eleven viewers a week."
"Then what does mean something, Bull?"
"GIMMICKS!! Parlor tricks, Axl! The chainsaws you're juggling! Tasmanian devils captured for the zoo-going children of the world! All these feats take little brains!"
"Which is why we're perfect for the job, eh, Bull?"
"Axl, you pip. You're right, but you also said something stupid. It's time for yet another lesson. Put down the chainsaws so I can pick one up."
"Okay, Bull." *Axl humbly removes his hat*
*Bull pulls rip cord repeatedly* "Darn thing....c'mon, fire up."
|Click these horrible children to return to the main page|