Bobby: "Boy, this place is crowded."
Chunky kid with New York accent: "WHADJA EXPECT? It's Mutta's Day! Hey, didja make yo' mom a present?"
Bobby: "Well....no...I was kinda mad at everyone..."
Chunky: "Hey, ya think you're the only kid here mad at his family? HEY JOEY, DUKE, VITO, COME HERE!"

Chunky: "Duke here made a nice doohickey out of macaroni for his mutta! Did she appreciate it? NO!" Duke: "She didn't even know what it was..." Chunky: "And Joey here...got his mutta some nice mustache wax." Joey: "I got one hairy mother." Vito: "And I was gonna make breakfast in bed." Bobby: "That's what I was gonna do!" Chunky: "And lemee guess....ya made a mess. And yer whole family turned on ya! HEY, HOW MANY A' YOUSE TRIED TA MAKE BREAKFAST FOR YOUR MUTTA??" Kids across the playground raise their hands. Chunky: "YA TRY TA PLEASE 'EM AND NUTTIN'! JUST MORE RULES!" Duke: "YEAH! LIKE WASH BEHIND YOUR EARS!" Vito: "CLEAN THE ROOM!" Joey: "SHAVE THE DOG!" Joey: ".......I got a hairy dog." Bobby: "Well, I don't know. I'd hate to live in a world WITHOUT moms."

Announcer: "IMAGINE...A WORLD WITHOUT MOTHERS! TOO HORRIBLE TO WATCH! TOO UNIMAGINABLE TO IMAGINE! IT'S.....INVASION OF THE MOMMY SNATCHERS!!!"
Bobby: "It's too scary to think of a world without moms!....

"....So here's a short song. About a world without moms."

*dramatic music starts building up*

Bobby: "THIS IS A SHORT SONG....ABOUT A WORLD WITHOUT MOMS!" That's the end.

Moms: "JOEY!" "VITO!" "DUKE!"
Kids: "Uh, sorry, we gotta go, we changed our minds."
Joey: "The hairy one's my mom."

Chunky: "WELL KID, IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME."
Martha: "BAAAH-BEEE!!"

Martha: "OVER HERE, HON! IT'S MOM DONCHA KNOW!!"
Bobby: "MOM! I thought I wished you away! But then I found out I was lost! And we were going to revolt and--"
Martha: "Yeeeah, okay, save some breath for corn sakes!"

Chunky: "So where's..... WAAAAAAAAAAA, I WANT MY MOOOOOOMMY!!!.. ....I think I'm gonna throw up."

Stage man: "ATTENTION KIDS! IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE BEST MOM AT FIVE FLAGS OVER MAGIC LAND CONTEST! If you think your mom deserves to be chosen the BEST MOM IN THE PARK today, then come on up and TELL US WHY! Who wants to come up first?"

Bobby: "CAN I GO UP MOM?? HUH, CAN I??"
Martha: "Ahh, okay, but are ya pret-ty sure that you want to? Uncle Ted told me you were pret-ty upset with the family..."
Ted: "I DIDN'T WANNA RAT ON YOU, BOBBY, but they promised me a....corn dog..."
Announcer pointing at Bobby: "AH, THERE'S A VOLUNTEER! COME ON UP HERE, YOUNG MAN..."

Bobby: "I HAVE BEEN IN THIS THEME PARK....FOR FIFTEEN HOURS. Many people said I had a bad break when I got lost, but I learned something....that I got the BESTEST mom in the whole world. And that's why...I consider myself....the luckiest kid....on the face of the earth."
The crowd applauds.

Bobby: "There isn't anything my mother wouldn't do for our family. When I wake up and I've just had a nightmare, she comes in to scare ALL the monsters away....cause she looks so scary with those curlers and all that crusty stuff she has on her face!"

"And she really cares about us kids, even when we don't know it. Like Kelly! Kelly doesn't know Mom watches her through the window when she kisses George at night, to make sure there's no tongue."

"And my mom can do amazing stuff. Like drive a car from the BACK SEAT! At least that's what Dad says."

"And she cleans my face with SPIT! And she can get Derek to do his homework without nagging! She just hides his skateboard, and tells him she doesn't know where it is." Derek: "GAH, THAT'S NOT FAIR!!"

"Hah, Bobby's really giving it to YOU guys!"

"And as hard as my mom works, she never complains. Like when Uncle Ted has gas in the den, she doesn't say a word. She just opens a window!"

Bobby: "So that's why I don't WANT a new mom! I'm keeping the one I got...cause MY MOM'S THE BESTEST."
Bobby's family: "I'M FURIOUS HOW COULD YOU DO THAT HEY WHAT GIVES I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WHY..."

Announcer: "THANKS FOR COMING TO OUR SPECIAL MOTHER'S DAY CELEBRATION! AND, DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK AND CELEBRATE ARBOR DAY WITH US! THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY THERE IS...." (note: the announcer repeated this phrase to describe Mother's Day earlier)
Bobby: "Gee Mom, I'm sorry I made everybody mad at you."
Martha: "Aw, it's okay Bobby. It's just part of bein' a gee-whillikers mom, doncha know."
Bobby: "It IS?"

"BECAUSE MOMS ARE TOUGH! WE DEDICATE OURSELVES TO RAISIN' OUR KIDS NO MATTER WHAT! AND THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF NO MATTER WHAT! LIKE GETTIN' UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, WHEN YER DOG-TIRED AND YOUR KID IS THROWIN' UP BECAUSE OF A WHOLE LOTTA JUNK YA TOLD HIM NOT TO EAT IN THE FIRST PLACE! OR WHEN YOU'RE CLEANIN' UP SOME GOO THAT MOMENTS BEFORE WAS YOUR BEST TUNA CASSEROLE! SO REMEMBER...GOOD MOMS NEVER FADE AWAY. THEY JUST WORK THEIR FINGERS TO THE BONE!"

Bobby: "Boy. That was EMOTIONAL, Mom."
Derek: "Ehh, I'm sorry, Mom."
Ted: "Yeah, maybe me too."
Martha: "ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY REIN IT IN ALREADY! I'd just like to say that this has been the most golly-sakes, bar-none, no takebacks, most wonderful Mother's Day I've ever had."

Bobby: "GREAT! Now maybe I can start practicing my speech for the FATHER'S DAY CONTEST!"
Howie: "---!!! AHH, NO BOBBY! I'd--I'd rather have breakfast in bed!"

*****************

Howie: "Well everybody, thanks for joining us on today's show!" Bobby: "You're welcome!" Howie: "No, not you....THEM! ....This Mother's Day show really gave me a good feeling, don't you agree Bobby?" Bobby: "No.....I've got a rash!"

Howie: "Hah, he still can't get off that script..."
Bobby: "No, REALLY! I REALLY HAVE A RASH!"
Howie: "........"
Howie: "......Well, what did you touch?"
Howie: "....Um....."
Howie: ".....I guess we'll see you next week then...."
Bobby: "If I'm not too chafed."

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