Sources: eBay, Gamesniped.com, Nintendo Age forums, Craigslist

The following video-game-related items are so rare, you probably haven't heard of any of them. They are all real, there is only a handful in the world of each, and you can NEVER HAVE THEM, because of the wallet-stopping combination of being both expensive AND totally useless. You can look, though. But you can't ever touch. Especially Robotnik's butt.

BETA CONKER CART

The good news? This is a confirmed developers' cart straight from Rare for Conker's Bad Fur Day

The better news? It's a cart for the original Twelve Tales version!

The crushing news? To prevent any of their games leaking out, Rare did not work with burned ROM chips. Instead they stored all their data on the PC and temporarily saved it on RAM memory, which vanished after each use. There's nothing on it!

eBay Price: $500

WORLD OF NINTENDO SPIN PAGE

Is this cool, or what? It's a retail spin rack that displays dozens of Super NES boxes

There are also racks for the NES and Game Boy on the other side

But the seller wasn't offering it. Note the title: "page." He was merely offering a page, the technical term for one of the spare racks in case one of them broke. What are you gonna do with just a page?

This would be the sweetest way for a Nintendo collector to display their mint boxes, but noooo....it's gotta stay in this guy's damp garage

eBay Price: $2,000

TRISTAR N64 ADAPTOR

A Chinese device (eventually sold in Canada) that fit into your N64 and allowed it to play NES and SNES titles. You can bet it did not have a Seal of Approval

How well did it work? It worked well enough. See this ancient IGN review

eBay Price: $229.99

POCKY AND ROCKY WITH "ALTERNATE" LABEL

Evidently, someone didn't like the Americanized versions of Pocky and Rocky that were on the front of this SNES classic, and pasted a snapshot of the title screen over it. This is my best theory

The seller doesn't know why it's there either

eBay Price: $23.99

DEVELOPERS' XBOX 1

The real kicker to this one is that it contains beta games inside, some of which were unreleased and never revealed to the public...like the mysterious "MADE MAN"

eBay Price: $2,500

COMPLETE GAME AND WATCH COLLECTION

All sixty Game and Watch devices, mint in their original boxes with everything

All variations are included as well, boxed

eBay Price: $24,900

SPACE HULK! VENGEANCE OF THE BLOOD ANGELS!

For the Playstation's first year of life, abnormally large boxes were used for their games to attract attention. In mid-1996 they started replacing them with CD cases

The legend goes that only two copies of "Space Hulk" were created the large way before the switchover was made. It's a subject of debate in the collector community whether these two boxes were actual retail copies, or empty promotional boxes for display only

eBay Price: $500

CRATE OF 100 UNOPENED "PHANTASY STAR ONLINE" DISCS

Phantasy Star went offline many years ago, making these worthless

Or maybe they're actually worth nearly five hundred, what do I know

eBay Price: $449.95

BATTLETOADS FIGURES

Mad, bad and crazy

eBay Price: $71.00

ELI'S LADDER

A dry educational math game for the Atari 2600

In case you forgot, Atari didn't put a lockout chip into the 2600, so any schmoe could release a game. Some of them were very low-budget and very limited in distribution, like this one, which didn't even come in a box

Instead, it came in a bag with instructions, stickers, worksheets and an overlay

eBay Price: $3000
The paperwork by its lonesome once sold for $2000. Crazy world

"ADVENTURES OF SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" ANIMATION CEL

Pleasant dreams

eBay Price: $10.45

COMPLETE 3DO COLLECTION

Due to the low print run and rarity of many of the 3DO's later titles, this is one of the hardest collections to complete

All add-ons and accessories are also included

eBay Price: $36,000

THE MOST EXPENSIVE OPTION TO KEEP LOOSE PAPERS IN PLACE

This SNES-era paperweight was once owned by a Nintendo salesman working for the company. Embossed with Mario, Yoshi, and his name

eBay Price: $499.99

EXTREMELY RARE JAPANESE GAME

I don't know how well US games about US characters sell in Japan now, but back in the 16-bit days, they sold terribly. Virtual Bart is like finding dirt on the right side of the Pacific. On the left side, it's like finding a diamond

eBay Price: $397.56

VGA-SEALED OCARINA OF TIME: COLLECTORS EDITION

The VGA trend is not going away, for the simple fact that people will pay more eBay money for a laminated game. At the same time this went up, there was a non-sealed Collector's Edition that could be had for $9.99, and he even threw in Majora's Mask

eBay Price: $1,550.00

HANDMADE PAC-MAN TISSUE BOX COVERS

Not exactly "something you can't have" since they sell cheap and he/she keeps making more, but I had to put it here because.....just look at it, it's great

eBay Price: $6.75

"BUBSY" PROTOTYPE

There's actually a version of Bubsy out there LESS polished than the original

When sticking it into your system, you may want to be careful

eBay Price: $799.00

SUPER MARIO KART PROTOTYPE(?)

I hate it when they don't post screens. How am I to know if this is authentic?

Real or not, the man is over $300 richer now

eBay Price: $346.88

FALLOUT 3 LAUNCH PARTY INVITATION

An exclusive ticket to Bethesda's elite launch party that could only be attended by industry insiders, bigwigs and celebrities. It's made of tin!

One of these celebrities must have fallen on hard times to be eBaying this

eBay Price: $1,825.00

COMPLETE POKEMON BLUE (Australian version)

eBay Price: $132.50

So...one of the most common Game Boy titles in the world is going for this price now?

I still have a complete Pokemon Yellow....maybe I can make some easy cash

1989 NINTENDO/PEPSI CONTEST BANNER ....... eBay Price: $100

COMPLETE INCANTATION

Usually, the last games released for a dying console become the most valuable (unless every collector hoards them). In 1996 not many companies were releasing titles for the Super NES anymore, except for Titus for some reason, who put out about ten

eBay Price: $150.00

COMPLETE SWEET HOME

"Sweet Home," a cult favorite NES game based on a Japanese horror film, was never released outside of Japan. This is a complete fake

I don't feel sorry for whoever bought this. If they were savvy enough to be aware of Sweet Home, yet stupid enough to think a game based on it could have been released in America in 1989, they deserve to lose their shirt over it

eBay Price: $350.00

SUPER MARIO "PUPPET KOOLER"

It's a thermos AND a puppet! It's a THWUPPET! ...Or a Puppet Kooler! This idea was too rad for the 1980's and didn't sell well

eBay Price: $30

COLLECTOR'S EDITION "DEMON'S SOULS"

It's harder for games these days to become truly valuable when an active collector community is vacuum-sealing every title they can get their hands on (ask former comic book or baseball card collectors why this business model doesn't work).

However, they can happen. Usually a modern collectible is created when a low-print game nobody paid attention to at first blows up in popularity. Most hardcore PS3 gamers have a copy of Demon's Souls, but it's the garishly red Player's Choice version. They don't even know the game had a limited-edition variant at launch

eBay Price: $149.95

VGA-SEALED SKYWARD SWORD WITH WIIMOTION PLUS

Here's another one that caught everybody by surprise. If you were like me, you thought the Skyward Sword with the golden-paint Wiimote pack-in was getting a wider release than it did. After one week, I never saw it in a store again

I have this version, actually -- I had to pre-order it because I needed the new Wiimote model to play the game. This means I opened it and didn't seal it up like a proper anal-retentive geek, so...it probably isn't worth half as much as this is

eBay Price: $394.99

GOLD-PAINTED WIIMOTE NUNCHUK

Speaking of the Gold Wiimote, they didn't give you a Nunchuk to match it. Gold Nuinchuks exist, but only as Club Nintendo offerings. And like all Club Nintendo offerings Americans want, it's ONLY IN JAPAN*

*UPDATE: It is now available in the US Club Nintendo for a limited time.

eBay Price: $79.00

"MANUFACTURER'S EDITION" XBOX 360

The people who toiled in assembly lines to create the first 360s got their own version in appreciation. This variant has "I MADE THIS" printed over the USB cap

As a bonus, the previous owner got Bill Gates himself to sign it

eBay Price: $740.00

NINTENDO DS DOWNLOAD STATION

What I said about the downloads having to come from real DSes is still true. This box held them inside so nobody could steal them

eBay Price: $1,554.34

SUPER MARIO LAND SOUNDTRACK CD

Yes, this happened

The songs were orchestrated. Does it make more sense now?

eBay Price: $300.00

GOT A MILLION DOLLARS? IN EUROS?

For that price, a Frenchman will air-mail you complete libraries for Famicom, Super Famicom, NES, SNES, N64, Gamecube, Sega Master System, Sega Genesis, Sega Saturn, Sega Dreamcast (every game SEALED IN BOX), every NEC system and the Virtual Boy. Plus more I didn't mention, for a total of 22 complete console libraries, and over 5,000 games in all

Whoever you are, you can't afford this one. You would have to be Trump or Taylor Swift or Jay Leno to be able to throw a million on an eBay bid. And since none of those people are game collectors, they wouldn't be interested. Meaning no one can ever have this collection

NO ONE*

eBay Price: $1,238,099.99
Plus over $1000 in shipping fees



*Except for the man in Canada who bought it

PART TWO