Sources: eBay, Gamesniped.com

The following video-game-related items are so rare, you probably haven't heard of any of them. They are all real, there is only a handful in the world of each, and you can NEVER HAVE THEM, because of the wallet-stopping combination of being both expensive AND totally useless. You can look, though. But you can't ever touch. Especially that car. You know the one.

HI, SATURN

The Sega Saturn was a joint project between Sega, JVC and Hitachi. The contracts for the latter two allowed them to manufacture their own versions of the Saturn console

At first they played it straight, but one year after the Saturn's release, Hitachi massively upgraded their version. The extremely rare HiSaturn Navi contains the guts of a Saturn, plus a karaoke machine, the ability to pick up TV signals, and a GPS navigator

The price you see below is actually less than it originally cost

eBay Price: $1035.00

HI, DREAMCAST

A TV made by Fuji with a Dreamcast built into the top. It came packed with all the machine's accessories, including a keyboard, Internet and teleconference software, a headset, and a remote (for you could also watch TV with it)

In the side view, it looks like this

eBay Price: $5,000

HI, NES

This combo, manufactured by Sharp, was actually sold in the US

Comes with ten games, including Alfred Chicken

eBay Price: $202.50 (plus $75 shipping)

PERMA-SEALED PANZER DRAGOON SAGA

You'll be seeing several games that look like this today, so let me explain a recent trend among video game collectors: having their most valued items laminated and graded by the "Video Game Authority," or the VGA. They are sealed in these plastic cases and their condition is given a grade on a strict numerical scale. 80 or above is Silver quality, 90 or above is Gold

In my opinion, the only worse thing you can do to a game like this is stomp on it or microwave it. There are only 30,000 copies of Panzer Dragoon Saga in North America, and permanent lamination means one less copy people can actually play

eBay Price: $700

SEGA DREAM CATCHER CRANE

Perfect for catching the dreams the Dreamcast casts

eBay Price: $2,500

HALF-LIFE DREAMCAST BOX

Half-Life for Dreamcast was cancelled at the eleventh hour due to the console itself facing an early retirement. It's many a gamer's opinion (including mine) that if Sierra had just sold the thing, it would have become one of the console's top sellers and even helped the Dreamcast last a bit longer

This promotional box was used by game stores to get customers to reserve a game that never came out

The back would have looked like this

eBay Price: $69.99

GAMECUBE "MARIO CONTROLLER"

Japan gets infinitely better "Club Nintendo" swag than America does. This is just one of many, many, many. The top is red, just like Mario's hat

The bottom is blue, just like Mario's pants

eBay Price: $95.34

PORTABLE HOMEBREW NINTENDO 64

Lasts three hours on one battery charge. Both your 3DS and your Vita will poop out before then

eBay Price: $300

FORTY SEALED NES GAMES

Some lemons, but also a few valuable ones. The Battletoads one alone would sell for not much more than the entire lot did

eBay Price: $6,300

"BUBSY PARTY" INVITATION SANDAL

Accolade celebrated the completion and release of their first Bubsy game with a beach party that you could only attend if you had in your possession a styrofoam sandal like this one

"More later, dude!" What could possibly go right?

eBay Price: $77.00

THWOMP PILLOW

Pleasant dreams

eBay Price: $47.99

THE FIRST WIDEBOY

Awhile back, you saw the N64 version of the Wideboy. This was the original Japanese version for the original Game Boy

You use the wired-in Game Boy to control it

The results looked like this. Thanks to their ugly choice of color palette, I saw a lot of magazine screenshots that looked like mud

eBay Price: $500

DONKEY KONG 64 DEMO CART

Very few NFR carts have differing content. The DK64 one, however, was a demo -- the only time Nintendo ever created a demo version of an N64 game

eBay Price: $316.81

VGA-GRADED AND SEALED ZELDA COLLECTOR'S EDITION

This typically eBays for about $40 open, $120 wrapped. I don't know who he thinks he can fool with that price

Mine cost me $0

eBay Price: $1,099.99

"EARTHBOUND ANTHOLOGY" ART BOOK

Was created by Starmen.net as one last, loud, grandiose effort to amass support for an official translation of Mother 3. It didn't work

Only a few dozen were ever made, and sent to the Nintendo brass, plus members of the press

eBay Price: $810.99

RAREST SONIC UMBRELLA EVER

The seller claims it's from 1991, but if that were true, then why's Tails on it? All I know is it's not available at Target

eBay Price: $80.00

SEGA GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE "SMASH" CONTROLLER

And you'd thought you'd seen them all. This rare peripheral was meant for playing an unlicensed Whack-A-Mole game

"Has been sitting in storage so bax has wear on it," said the seller. That's the first time I've seen someone misspell "box"

eBay Price: $199.00

CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT: THE TIGER HANDHELD VERSION

I'm just as surprised as you. How would this work?

eBay Price: $310.00

COMPLETE NINTENDO 64 DISK DRIVE COLLECTION

Even before the N64 was released, we were promised this Disk Drive add-on that would make up for some of the disadvantages the cartridge format had against CDs. One year after release, there was no drive. Two years, no drive. It never appeared, except in Japan, where it bombed so badly it stayed there. Look at that, only ten games in all (technically, six games and four graphics software titles). Even the Virtual Boy had more than this

Ocarina of Time was once going to be a Disk Drive title. It was moved to a cartridge when the drive was delayed, and the plan changed into making an "enhancement" disk that would rearrange the dungeons. That ended up being released as the Master Quest

eBay Price: $900

N64 CONTROLLER WITH A SMALL LION ON IT

eBay Price: $828.10

Sold in limited quantities by the Japanese merchant Hello Mac. Even more valuable than the Game Boy with the small purple cow on it

If this doesn't make sense to you, you will never be a true collector

CD-I LINK ON A TOWEL

"When you make me crouch, I CAN DO THE DUCK WALK! COOL, HUH?!?!?"

eBay Price: $14.99

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG FOR SEGA MASTER SYSTEM

The Master System was a failure in the US, and Sega wanted to use Sonic as the main selling point of the Genesis. However, there might have been some stubborn people who wanted the game on SMS, so they put together an inferior port for their older console

The Master System was still going strong in Europe, and they had plenty of Sonic copies to go around. Sega just took the European version and pasted a new UPC sticker on the box. The European version is nearly worthless. But guess how much that one little sticker makes the same package worth in the US?

eBay Price: $981.33

ALBINO TAILS PLUSH

It's not some freaky error, it was made this way on purpose...but your guess is as good as mine as to the reason

eBay Price: $79.53

METAL GEAR SOLID SHRINKWRAPPED MEDIA CD

Given out to attendees of E3 1998

eBay Price: $50.01

STAR FOX ADVENTURES SURVIVAL KIT

So what is it, really....a kit to stave off boredom?

Given out by Circuit City to those with preorders. It contains Jones Soda apple-flavored "Fox Fuel," a doorknob hanger to ward any interrupters away while you're on your latest INTENSE fetch-quest....and the piece de resistance, a roll of toilet paper with tips for the game printed all over it. Perfect metaphor, right?

eBay Price: $48.99

Note: if you liked this game, I'm sorry
For you

DESIGN DOCUMENTS FOR UNRELEASED CALIFORNIA RAISINS GAME

"The Grape Escape" was eventually leaked and you can buy a reproduction version. To be fair, it wasn't as much of a hot property by 1991

eBay Price: $799.99

COUGAR BOY

Produces "SUPER STEREO SOUND" and "SCROLLING BACKGROUND OPTION FOR GREAT VISUAL EFFECT."

The name could've been worse. In other areas, it was called the "Mega Duck."

eBay Price: $161.50

THE DEBUG PS2 (fat)

It's the Japanese one, but it looked the same in other regions

eBay Price: $131.10

THE SONIC BIBLE

I wish this was actually a version of the Bible using the Sonic license, but here they mean "bible" as in a document stating the rules of an imaginary world and what can and can't happen, for freelance writers and merchandisers to rely on

Whoever made that "Dr. Kintobor" comic around this time evidently never bothered to read this

Screenshots of the innards

eBay Price: $399.99

MINT-CONDISH, VGA-GRADED, UNOPENED NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM FROM THE TEST MARKET IN NYC IN 1985

Only 10,000 were sold, and typically, the mere pieces of this sell well when they're used

Look at that price and weep. Even if you had 16 thou you couldn't buy it, because the seller later changed his mind and took it off

eBay Price: $15,999.95

CAR ONCE DRIVEN BY BARACK OBAMA

eBay Price: $1,000,000

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