The following video-game-related items are so rare, you probably haven't heard of any of them. They are all real, there is only a handful in the world of each, and you can NEVER HAVE THEM, because of the wallet-stopping combination of being both expensive AND totally useless. You can look, though. But you can't ever touch. Or play, or eat, or whatever applies in each case.

THE TIM ATWOOD COLLECTION

Every now and then, if the moon is right and magic is in the air, you'll find an eBay auction from the mysterious Tim Atwood, a controversial figure in the collecting community to put it mildly

The unopened shipping box of Stadium Events carts was his own, and sent NES collectors into a rage over the potential devaluing of their "investments"

Tim appears every now and then with a ridiculous auction full of mountains of rare stuff. Where he gets it all, no one knows

To quote a Nintendo Age user, "He’s my friend. I’ve known him for 20 years. I have no idea what he’s thinking. Ever. He’s an enigma. Not because he wants to be, he literally just is."

eBay Price: $290,000

SONY BVM-20F1U

Supposedly the greatest CRT monitor ever built due to its 900 lines of resolution (480 was the limit on the typical CRT)

To my eyes, it's not THAT much better

Craigslist Price: $1,200

FOUR "FAST AND THE FURIOUS" ARCADE CABINETS

The listed price is actually PER CABINET which is way inflated even for something like this

Though the owner is willing to strike a deal if anyone wants to buy all four. Don't split this family up

Craigslist Price: $4999.99

AUTHENTIC SLOT MACHINE

This real slot machine was property of an Atlanta casino and purchased at a swap meet

On the day I snagged this picture, this was not the only slot machine for sale

Craigslist Price: $900

SUPER NES

This otherwise common, ordinary-looking SNES is being sold at over three thousand dollars because it has a "low serial number." Apparently that's a thing?

eBay Price: $3499.99

CENTIPEDE ARCADE BOARD

Take it home, dust it off, and start zapping bugs

Craigslist Price: $150

317 FLATTENED SUPER NES GAME BOXES

See any that interest you?

eBay Price: $3999.99

POKEMON RED & BLUE 1998 STORE DISPLAY

The hole in the middle is for inserting a small TV, so it can play looped footage of the game

eBay Price: $1499.99

ORIGINAL APPLE 1 KIT

Here are some facts about Wozniak and Jobs' original garage business project: they hand-made and sold about 200 Apple 1s in all. Of those, around 80 are known to still exist. And of those 80, only six are confirmed to still work

We're actually lucky that 80 exist, as once Woz and Jobs invented the Apple II, they offered a trade-in for anyone who had purchased an Apple 1. All Apple 1s traded back in were destroyed

This picture just begs for details, so here's the full-resolution version

Christie's Auction Price: 371,250 GBP

PROTOTYPE NINTENDO 64 BOX

This store display box, sent to retailers months before the N64's official release, contains many differences from the finalized box art. The characters on the side are all SNES-era renders, including the RPG version of Mario

eBay Price: $499.99

VIRTUAL BOWLING

The world's rarest Virtual Boy game, released only in Japan

No, this wasn't localized as a "funky" version with Nester -- that was a completely different game. Go figure that the VB's library is so small yet it has TWO bowling games

eBay Price: $2,200.00

NINTOASTER

As seen on AVGN; it was a real product, though defiinitely not an official one

Whoever made them no longer does, so they're eBay collectors' items now

eBay Price: $220

"COCK AND PLUCKER" BUFFET MENU

The E3 of 2000 was a weird one, in that Nintendo was seen openly promoting Conker's Bad Fur Day with its own booth, decorations, and actual bar that served beer. By the time the game was released, Nintendo pretended it never knew the furball

This is a memento that proves Nintendo's bar once existed

eBay Price: $56.00

RIDICULOUSLY OVERSIZED MARIO HAT

Here's proof against the stereotype that the Japanese like things small. But where can you possibly find a head big enough?

eBay Price: $89.90

DRAGON QUEST COSTUME

Official product from Japan. Erdrick's duds are so fancy, only the wealthy will ever be able to dress as him

eBay Price: $865.00

"YEAR OF LUIGI" COMMEMORATIVE COIN

If you recall, Nintendo declared 2013 the "Year of Luigi" and created several volumes of merch dedicated to Mario's often neglected brother. The reason was because they were knee-deep in the Wii U era and needed SOMETHING to sell

A lot of this Luigi merch is on eBay now, but none of it is as expensive as this coin, offered exclusively at Comic-Con that year

eBay Price: $199.99

FATHEAD BANJO

Called a "Stubbins Plush," it's an officially licensed product even though it looks very bootleg

Hopefully Mumbo can change him back

eBay Price: $44.99

EVER 17: OUT OF INFINITY

Also known as an early game from Kotaro Uchikoshi, the man who would go on to write the Zero Escape trilogy. This game and that trilogy share some common themes, and some consider Ever 17 to be better. Of course, Ever 17 is also far rarer

eBay Price: $99.99

KINGDOM HEARTS E3 KEYBLADE

When Square showed off Kingdom Hearts at its 2002 E3 booth, they had this gimmick where members of the press were given Keyblade-like keys, which they had to insert into slots to activate video screens of clips from the game. Ordinarily everything at E3 that isn't given away is destroyed, but this one key survived. Wasn't even opened, in fact

eBay Price: $1000.00 (plus free shipping)

XBOX 360 CALCULATOR

Comes with its own Red Ring Of Death that flashes when the calculator breaks one week after you start using it! ....actually it's a lanyard

eBay Price: $174.99

CONKER'S BAD COASTER

Here's another piece of evidence for Nintendo's bar: these are the coasters you would have used in it. There are some stains here, indicating this was put to its intended use

Illustration on the back, indicative of its "picturebook" ad campaign

eBay Price: $99.70

ZOAR!

One thing I've noticed about vintage arcade units being sold on Craigslist is that they are ALWAYS in the middle of nowhere. This particular machine (Taito, 1982) is stuck all the way in Hermiston, 179 miles east of Portland

Craigslist Price: $500

SOMEONE'S FORTNITE ACCOUNT

This was one of several misspelled posts I found offering a leveled up, kitted out Fortnite account for a ridiculous amount of Juul Pod money. Apparently it's lucrative

But very likely against Epic's TOS

Craigslist Price: $1750.00

STARFOX T-SHIRT

If you've never seen this one before, it's because you didn't score very high in the 1993 StarFox Weekend Competition. Contestants were given this shirt if they scored over 70,000 points in their playthrough

eBay Price: $250.00

UNOPENED DONKEY KONG JR. MATH CARTRIDGE FROM JAPAN

Nobody wanted to play it there either

eBay Price: $899.00

THE GAME HANDLER

The miraculous ONE-HANDED NES CONTROLLER! The packaging boasts: "The first TOTAL controller! No codes needed! No programming required! Make guys run backwards, disappear and more! Changes each game differently!"

Add-ons included a remote (what for, to make it two-handed again?) a microphone, and a bizarre "cockpit viewer" of what purpose we aren't certain

eBay Price: $349.99

SUPER MARIO BROS. BRANDED CHEAP PLASTIC MAZE GAME

"Hours of fun! No battery required!" boasts the packaging

It's worth noting that out of all the 80s and 90s Mario merchandise I saw on eBay today, most of which originally sold at stores for much more than this maze game did....NONE commanded a higher price than this

eBay Price: $199.99

CHRONO TRIGGER JAPANESE TELEPHONE CARD

Put Chrono Trigger characters on something, and it's worth money. Put them on something disposable that no one cared about in its day, and it's worth much more

If I owned a roll of Marle toilet paper, I could retire

eBay Price: $234.95

RIDICULOUS ICARUS

This is one auction that's going to live in infamy. A sealed copy of Kid Icarus ended up going for WAY over its typical asking price, and it's because a new type of collector has now entered the market. They're called "The rich dorks who want to own Spider-Man #1 and X-Men #1 and all that other stuff just because they can."

The problem is that by now, they already HAVE all the rarest comic books and cards, so they're going after video games. And they're using the same criteria: the first appearances of characters who have had iconic staying power (although Pit is kind of an outlier). Thanks to these guys, a sealed Super Mario Bros -- a common game that isn't hard to find in any form -- now costs a ridiculous amount because every seller is hoping one of these people will show up and drop a brickload of cash for it.

Heritage Auctions Price: $2000.00

HALO ON XBOX

On that same day, an NES TMNT sold for $3600, an Adventure of Link went for $3360, and a Chrono Trigger sold for $8400....but NOTHING could top what THIS extremely common game went for:

Heritage Auctions Price: $9000.00

In proper context: it's an NFR copy and it's never been opened, and there are only a handful of Halos in the entire world that satisfy those two conditions. But I still want to try picking up a $2 case from a thrift store, re-seal it and start fishing for suckers. It's apparently this easy.

SUPER NINTOASTER

Guess what -- they made a 16-bit version!

All those who grew up with the Gamecube are now asking "where's MY toaster, huh?" Sorry, as usual, you guys get nothing

eBay Price: $215.00

 

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