At Kellogg Middle School, me and this kid Steve once worked in the computer lab during recess hours on the ultimate DETECTIVE NOVEL! Here is the results of our work:
| This is a mystery. Mr. Dinsen Dorfer of Walla Walla Washington called me up--oh sorry, I haven't told you who I am yet. My name is Lawrence Pufflesnert. I'm a detective. The work doesn't pay much, but it's better than working at Kellogg Middle School. I'd hate to work there. Anyway, as I was saying, Mr. Dinsen Dorfer of Walla Walla Washington called me up to report a theft. 60 cheeseburgers had been stolen from the local McDonalds downtown. When I got there all I found was a ticking time bomb and Arnold Schwartzenegger said, "Hasta la vista, baby!!" and then things went dark.
When I finally regained consciousness, I was inside a diabolical villain's hideout. Evil laughter resounded from behind a curtain: "AAH-AAH-AAH-AAH-AAAAAAAHHH!!!(tm)" He sounded very fiendish and loud but when he stepped out from behind the cutrain he was just this stupid teenager with zits. "Whoa, like, I'm the master villain here. Cool, huh? I'm going to, like, exterminate this goody-goody here, ya know, cuz that's my job. Yeah, yeah, that's cool."
He pulled a lever and the Jackson 5 came out and started singing, "ABC, EASIER THAN 123!!!!" I couldn't take it. I fought back. Good thing I had Barney at my side, ready to kill anybody with his annoying personality. But Barney liked the Jackson 5 so he started singing too. I was a fool to trust Barney. It was more torture than torture can be.
Suddenly I had a plan. I would expose Barney. You know he's just a guy in a suit. If I could only get my hand free, I could do it. There, I got it free.
RIPPPPPPP!!! HOLY COW, IT'S ELVIS!!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Elvis punched the Jackson 5 for letting Michael marry Lisa Marie. And just then 50 hamburgers fell out of his suit. SO HE WAS THE ONE THAT STOLE THE BURGERS!!! You'd think Elvis would have SOME sense. Oh well. I yelled, "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!!!" I got world fame for catching the criminal. But just then...I GOT ATTACKED BY ALL THESE LITTLE KIDS!!!!!!
"YOU DIRTY RAT! YOU KILLED BARNEY, AND NOW WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU!!! GET HIM!!!!!"
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