I found a weird book about weird books. How meta. Not that I even need it. I have no problem finding all the weird books I could ever want....
The spookiest thing is that all these titles seem to be
connected.
I volunteer once a week at a nonprofit organization called "Schoolhouse Supplies," which gives out free school supplies to teachers all over the Portland area. One of the significant corporate contributors to Schoolhouse Supplies is Powell's Books. Powell's, for the unfamiliar, is not only the biggest bookstore in Portland but the biggest in the entire COUNTRY. Their overwhelming downtown location is so large one must use a map inside it.
Every so often Powell's gets a gigantic cardboard box and fills it with all the books they don't want in their inventory anymore, then sends the whole thing to Schoolhouse Supplies. I don't mean just children's material -- Powell's sends us EVERY book they can't sell, whether it's appropriate for children or not. Since we can't do anything with most of it, the bins rest in the back of the store and their contents are free for employees and volunteers.
You might be still wondering. Just how bad does a book have to be if the largest bookstore in the country doesn't want it? You're about to find out in spades, because THIS time, I have discovered what has to be.....
That's right, OF ALL TIME. This one is going to be very hard to top if not impossible. It's too good to spoil now, so you'll have to wait until the end. No worries, I have plenty more material to satisfy you until then. For example, I found a spellbook, so we might as well start with that...
"From the author of How to Turn Your Ex-Boyfriend into a
Toad."
That's how you know it's guaranteed!
She's serious; there was no disclaimer anywhere on it. And you'll never guess where it was. That's right, on the shelf, next to Charlotte's Web. I'm sure parents would have loved that. It's since been removed by myself.
SOMEBODY'S CUB SCOUT MANUAL: Okay, that's it, I've seen enough proof now. You can sell anything to Powell's Books for cash as long as it's booklike. I have some phone books I should pawn.
I don't know what the interior was about other than it involved Yogi Bear. All the pages are missing; only the cover is there. There is no author credit, no publisher name, nothing other than the title. And that's not even Yogi Bear!
Yeah, because they'll never make an invention that plays movies on a TV set. Ever.
Or if they did, they'd never allow porn on it. This is America!
All right! A Monkey Island novel! This should be hilarious! I hope Guybrush does some insult fighting and---
