When all seems lost and the chips are down, there's only ONE carrot you can turn to....CAPTAIN CARROT!!

At the end of PM Magazine in the early 80's, there existed local segments known as "departments." One woman at the zoo would tell you about animals, another woman downtown would tell you about stores. Captain Carrot would give you health tips.

It goes without saying CC came off as quite the health-nut nerd, but if I was forced to choose between him and the entire marketing campaign of Kaiser Permanente, I think I'd take the carrot. My dad has an old tape labeled "Health Tips," and it appears to be nothing but Captain Carrot taped over several years. Why he did this is beyond me, but it gives me a bucketload of CC segments to choose from, and I think I chose the following one well.

Today, Captain Carrot is going to tell all of you how to stay physically fit when your job is to sit behind a desk all day. The human physique is built for a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, not a point-and-click lifestyle. They didn't have pointing or clicking in Captain Carrot's day, but the point still stands. With this said, how can anyone stay in shape when they're glued to a cubicle? Captain Carrot tells you the super-secret exercises that should do the trick.

Step #1 is to bend over in your chair as far as you can, and really sniff the papers on your desk. Breathe in that ink! Okay, the sniffing wasn't involved, but he does begin with this maneuver.

Now, clench your fists and thrust your buttocks hard! Do this 25 times.

Next, bend over sideways and touch your toes, then bend over the other direction and touch them again. Do this 25 times as well! Then do it while standing up!

Now: DESK PUSH-UPS! Stand up on your chair, put your hands on your desk and pull yourself up and down. Do THAT 25 times, jumping up and down like Tom Cruise, and you shall never grow fat ever. Never mind the looks you'll be getting--the joke will be on your workmates when you can still wear your swimsuit and they can't. So HAH!

Captain Carrot was one smart cookie.....er, tofu-based artifically-cookie-flavored wafer, that is. This is now the exercise treatment of the stars--Ted Kulongoski does this all the time. And if something's good enough for Ted, then it's good enough for you.

And that's today's tip. Thanks, carrot!