Did you like something today?
Well, you shouldn't have. That was a horrible thing to do. I hope
you feel ashamed of yourself.
But it might not have been entirely your fault. With standards of
morality evolving and advancing by the millisecond, it's hard to
keep track of all the things it's now immoral to partake in.
That's why we've compiled the ultimate list of items that,
according to modern voices on the Internet, no one should ever
like.
Disagreeing with anything in this list is not allowed. If we ever
find out you disagreed with anything placed here, we will NOT
hesistate to publicly SHAME YOU on all social media and in
opinion essays on major websites, as well as dox your address and
all your personal information so everyone else can harrass you as
well. It's called "punching up" and an act of virtue,
but only when WE do it.
The following things are forbidden to like. Liking them is
dangerous, ignorant and absent of wokeity, and continues the
acceleration of our society down the slippery slope into total
oppressive fascist dictatorial doom!*
*if you like any of these
things anyway, and you wake up tomorrow to find America has
become overtaken by Nazis and every minority is being tortured,
IT'LL BE YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU LIKED THESE THINGS!
| Football The Dukes of Hazzard 83% of YouTube influencers Back to the Future parts I, II and III The Fifth Element Every Disney movie that John Lasseter was involved with Every Disney movie that Walt Disney was involved with Looney Tunes Tom & Jerry Scooby-Doo Stranger Things (for CHILD RAPE) Monopoly (for promoting capitalism) Dallas Dynasty Falcon Crest The Police (the band) The Police (all actual police) Sting WHAM George Michael Mojo Nixon Roseanne (the show) Roseanne (the person) Look Who's Talking Too Home On The Range Anyone in history who made the "OK" hand gesture, as it now means white supremacy The Simpsons Family Guy Futurama, for promoting the coooooooool crime of robbery South Park King of the Hill The Critic Ren & Stimpy Duckman Slacker Cats Anything with Tim Allen in it Friends Seinfeld Garfield Odie Anything made of plastic The expression "Bring home the bacon" Tina Fey Amy Poehler Penny Arcade "Passengers" with Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence Sixteen Candles A Christmas Story The Aristocats The Aristocrats Non-biased sources of news Chris Rock Eddie Murphy Richard Pryor The Brave Little Toaster Quack Pack (episode set in Far East Asia uses stereotypes. Most outrageously, the man who wrote this episode still continues to work in animation today! WE DEMAND THAT MAN BE FIRED!) Amazon.com Wal-Mart Your mom Blade Runner Blade Runner 2049 Over 30 states in the union Humor in general Animaniacs The Angry Video Game Nerd The Nostalgia Critic The Cinema Snob Arlo Black Panther (we mean the character....Killmonger is the one to root for) The original cut of ET that doesn't remove the guns MST3K, for mocking all that hard work Homestar Runner (character "Trogdor" glorifies arson against poor people) Sesame Street (pilot episode encourages children to follow strangers) The comic strip Ziggy (not enough people of color) Every US president The comic strip Curtis (not enough people of color) Doctor Who (the word "POLICE" on the front of the TARDIS is too triggering) Men Doctor Who again (for this promotional image, which exemplifies everything wrong about gender representation in film and TV) "Destroyer" by The Kinks (for the line "paranoia will destroy ya," as paranoia is actually good) All cheeses not made from human breast milk Civility Dragon's Lair Pac-Man (not enough women) Ms. Pac-Man (woman character is only recognizable through physical stereotypical signifiers like pink accessories) All Grand Theft Autoes Tecmo Super Bowl (for the football. UNLESS YOU APPROVE OF CONCUSSIONS) Final Fantasies I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, and XV The Legend of Zelda (unless you approve of a boy running around with a knife killing animals) Cuphead (even though game contains no racial stereotypes, other cartoons that were made in the same time period the game is mimicking contained racial stereotypes, therefore it counts, so you're racist if you like Cuphead) Catherine (if we EVER find out you've liked this, we'll break your legs) Mulan National Lampoon's Vacation Anything with "National Lampoon's" in front of it Netflix Hulu Crunchyroll VRV WWE RWBY Plastic bags Katy Perry The DiC cut of Sailor Moon that edited out the lesbian stuff Every comic book superhero with the possible exception of Faith Alan Moore Frank Miller Frank Cho Rob Liefeld Greg Horn Greg Land Peter David Todd McFarlane Seth MacFarlane Every "ism" except socialism Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Bloom County Outland The Far Side Dilbert Hagar The Horrible BC Wizard of Id Crock Gil Thorp Chico and the Man Any movie or TV show with a food fight scene, while children starve in Africa Saying "Long Time No See" Saying "Paddy Wagon" Game of Thrones Three's Company Bananas in Pajamas 90210 Melrose Place Mr. Magoo Wayne's World Wayne's World 2 Traditional mail Non-electric cars Bedtime for Bonzo Tumblr 4Chan 8Chan Gravity Falls The sun The MPAA Harry Potter (no Jewish wizards) Portland, OR Scrooge McDuck (unless you think THIS IS FUNNY, and you BETTER NOT THINK THIS IS FUNNY) That animated adaption of The Killing Joke Buzzfeed The Office Mark Twain Austin Powers Dr. Seuss Earthworm Jim Archie Andrews, in all forms Every fraternity on Earth Liberty And The Littles Frederick Wiseman Blobfish The One And Only Genuine Original Family Band McDonalds Any child who has stayed at a Ronald McDonald House, for their association with McDonalds Those Game & Watch devices The "This is fine" dog Mac And Me Eleanor Shellstrop Tahani Al-Jamil Jason Mendoza All Janets Asbestos Lead The Transformers Alex Keaton Mallory Keaton Mr. Belvedere Fallout Guns Knives Fists Bad words Pillows (which can be used as a weapon to suffocate people in their sleep) Every movie that Donald Trump cameoed in, including The Little Rascals All electronics that were assembled within Foxconn Blazing Saddles The Coen Brothers Money in all currencies The Confederate flag The US flag The national anthem The Pledge of Allegiance 79% of the Founding Fathers All fireworks with the exception of tiny sparklers "Baby It's Cold Outside" Saturday Night Live Mad TV Fridays Andy Kaufman Joss Whedon Anything Joss Whedon was involved with, including Dollhouse and Alien Resurrection The electoral college St. Patrick's Day Elephants for their association with conservativism William Hanna Joseph Barbera Joe Ruby Ken Spears Lou Scheimer Willy Wonka Mahatma Ghandi Golf Tim Curry The Rocky Horror Picture Show Missionaries Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles All electricity generated by hydroelectric power plants Bill Maher (well, he just sucks) |
Do you have a problem with this
list? Then you have a problem with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY! Do you
want to have a problem with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY? Then shaddup!
And don't think about liking any of the things we didn't mention
here! If nothing is perfect or free from criticism, then
everything must be shamed! Every story and concept created by
Fallen Man must be dragged through the village naked while we
march behind in our habits clanging a giant bell! Because
according to our own figures, 97.5% of every known action that
creates pleasure causes suffering to someone else, whether
psychically or otherwise!
IF YOU ENJOY ANYTHING,
YOU'RE ENJOYING IT AT THE EXPENSE
OF SOMEONE ELSE'S MISERY!
Liking things is, therefore, immoral. How can you continue to
like things, armed with this knowledge? What kind of sick,
twisted (and probably Republican) human being would continue to
like things after we just told you how bad they are? And don't
even argue. Any objections against us -- and anything we say --
is a vote in favor of the enemy. If you take issue with -- or ask
any curious questions about -- anything we just called out,
you're AIDING AND ABETTING RACISM, SEXISM, MISOGYNY AND
OPPRESSION. Period. Jerk.
The reality is, we live in an age where the most crass,
conceited, insensitive blowhard imaginable has obtained the
highest position of power in the world. Faced with this dilemma,
the only appropriate response is to overcompensate in the other
direction and become super-censoring Church Ladies circa 1987
SNL. We will no longer put up with anything, no matter what the
thing is -- it just has to be a thing. Time's up, not just for
sexual harrassment and assault, but for Ziggy.
The only thing you are currently allowed to like is Dr. Robotnik
from Sonic The Hedgehog.
