"INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT
CHUCK NORRIS"
If you ask Chuck Norris what time
it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you
ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in
the face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia
Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born,
roundhouse-kick-related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to
"****ing."
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and
Chuck Norris.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris
could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap!
That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that
point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up
with lactose's ****.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up;
he's pushing the Earth down.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.
Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in
the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates
irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris
brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a
prolonged beard-rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to
life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the
animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that
Chuck giveth, and, the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse...horses are hung like
Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He
also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and
buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her
and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving,
Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into
his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey,
ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was
fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck
Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only
smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up
the courage to tell him.
God bless America…
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