MY FAVORITE "CAT IN THE HAT" REVIEWS |
From Pat Holmes, "Portland
Tribune":
I hope you'll excuse me if I'm a bit off. It's not
from the flu or a cold or a cough. I've just seen a movie that's
really annoying. You'll know what it is from the photo we're
showing. It's another assault on poor old Dr. Seuss. "The
Grinch" wasn't enough, so they've turned this thing loose.
They call it "The Cat in the Hat," and
it's sad. Enough to make Seussians flustered and mad. I'm sorry
to say -- but I have to, it's true! -- that Seuss is to this what
a horse is to glue. A thing to be rendered a glutinous mass, to
stick up your family. It's terribly crass!
The tale of a cat with a magical way of brightening
two kids' unsunny day has been bent out of shape and knocked out
of whack till you might as well call it "The Yak in the
Sack." Whatever charm anyone found in the book has been
stolen away as if by a crook.
Mike Myers is playing the titular kitty. And like
the whole film, the result isn't pretty. It's colorful, true, and
it's splashy and slick -- but so's what comes up when your
children get sick.
And Myers, of course, is the kind of a bloke who
always laughs loudest when he tells a joke. He's oh-so-convinced
he's adorably cute that having an audience really is moot. Now
maybe Nic Cage -- or Johnny Depp, too -- could have given this
role a unique twist or two. Or a digital critter -- like Gollum,
you know -- might have made for a character worthy of show.
Instead, we get Myers, who's hardly a plus -- so pleased with
himself that he doesn't need us.
A production designer whose name is Bo Welch directs
the whole thing with the grace of a belch. His work with Tim
Burton, that "Scissorhands" movie, was moody and
beautiful, really quite groovy. But now as director, his work is
the worst -- like Burton on steroids and ready to burst! All
bulging and swollen and icky, I mean. Pastel-splattered!
Bubble-gummed! Ouch, it's my spleen!
"This mess is so big and so deep and so
tall." That line's from the book, and that line says it all.
Theodor Geisel -- that's Seuss' real name -- made
witty simplicity his claim to fame. He tickled his readers as if
with a feather. Both grown-ups and children, he brought them
together. But nowadays all of our standards are dropping. This
movie's intended to send us all shopping.
The merchandise mavens behind it, you know, don't
care about kids or the way that they grow. They care about
checkbooks and Visas and cash, and stuff you can purchase, then
throw in the trash. And just when you think there can't be
anymore, the video's out and you're back at the store!
With marketing strategists calling the shots, the
movies we're getting could just make you plotz. Such gaudy and
shoddy boondoggles, you see, make Grinchy old cynics of you and
me.
From "bumpygrimes":
I would rather pluck every single hair growing on my person, one
by one, than sit here and watch this monstrosity. And believe me
when I say that I am very hairy.
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Watch a really weird Coke ad from 1986