|If you think Throckmorton's story was
amazing.....I earned massive amounts of cold hard CASH by
doing nothing but sitting on my butt watching cat videos!
My neighbor's step-sister makes $64 an hour on the
computer! She has been without a job for nine months but
last month her payment was $16420 just working on the
computer for a few hours!*
You've heard the stories! You've read the posts! Now how can YOU get a piece of that action??
Friends, it's all true. There are those who really make it happen. I'm here to tell you the secrets of the Internet: the money-making truths that GET RESULTS! This may be the single most important page you ever read! What I'm about to tell you could literally CHANGE your ENTIRE LIFE! In the direction of the better, I mean!
In fact, you may already be an Internet success -- you just have yet to monetize it! The first question you might have is, how do I know if I'm a success on the Internet? Well, here's the secret: Success on the Internet is measured in CLICKS. The amount of clicks the items on your website get determine the rate of advertising you can charge!
How do I get those all-important clicks? I'll tell you exactly how! Through an ancient secret, passed down by the pharoahs, that media professionals DON'T want you to know!
It's called.....YELLOW JOURNALISM!
Yellow journalism couldn't be easier to pull off in this day and age! Step one: mock up a convincing website. With drag-and-drop templates and instant spellcheckers, it couldn't be easier!
Step Two! Create OUTRAGEOUS headlines!
The content can be filled in afterward. We need headlines
that shock, horrify, and GET THOSE CLICKS!
COMPLETE, GLOBAL MARKET CRASH IMMINENT WITHIN THREE YEARS, SAYS SOMEBODY
WHAT COMMON THING YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW COULD INCREASE YOUR RISK OF STROKE BY 750%
HIV MUTATES INTO
AIRBORNE STRAIN IMMUNE TO SOAP
With headlines like these, and rotation on a common aggregator like Zerg.net, you can put virtually anything on the page itself and the clicks will flow like water! Stuff it full of ads and promotions for a shifty medicine supplier in Guam to rake in even MORE coin!
Now! You might be thinking, "Do I have to write them all myself? That's too much work!" I'm way ahead of you, my friend. The fastest and easiest way to massive clicks, attention and profits in the Space Age Net Age is to do this: FIND CRAZY PEOPLE!
You might be saying now, "But I heard crazy people are useless!" If so, it's time to join the 21st century! It's a golden age for crazy people, friends -- they're the new oil! Just ONE crazy person can net you THOUSANDS in cash!
Why crazy people? Because nobody attracts more attention! A calm, rational, balanced statement can easily be passed over. But an angry, irrational, heavily biased article, based solely on opinion and containing no research whatsoever, GUARANTEES massive clicks. Outrage breeds curiosity! Therefore, the more outrageous the crazy person, the more clicks you can earn from them!
We know this strategy works because the leaders of the industry use it all the time! Talk radio, or Fox News, for instance -- they're among the most profitable businesses around. Or take the example of Hamilton Nolan!
Hamilton Nolan, known to his friends as Ham-No, is under the employ of Gawker Media, where he does nothing but rant about the two topics that anger him most: rich people and young people. He doesn't write news, or anything close to it. He literally contributes nothing else but vent pieces about how much he hates capitalism and millennials. And he gets paid for this (which, by the way, wouldn't be a thing that occurred in any other system but capitalism, just saying).
If Hamilton despises our current economic system so much, which system would he replace it with? Has he considered there is no perfect system, and carefully weighed the pros and cons of every "ism" attempted through history? No one knows! He provides no alternate solutions to the problems he complains about. He just hates what's here NOW because it's there. Why does Hamilton constantly yell the same gripes, day after day, with nothing to back them up? Because he's CRAZY!
In any other era, Mr. Nolan would be 100% unemployable. He would be a drunken bum on the street screaming into the ears of people on street corners. But thanks to the marvels of the modern age, people like him have found a new usefulness! Find your Hamilton Nolan, and watch the CASH ROLL IN!
Now, if what I just told you wasn't enough, what if I told you there were even MORE secrets that I HAVEN'T told you about yet? You might be saying, "Mister, that can't possibly be true! Life would be too perfect if it was!" But it IS true! I'm gonna share another secret with you, friends; can you believe your luck? It's called REDDIT!
Reddit is currently the most popular link-sharing site on the Net. Millions of users access it daily, adding links they found interesting! The most popular of these links are voted to the top of the pages, and there are many subjects to choose from. So many, in fact, that if you were to swipe a link's subject matter, rewrite it slightly and paste it as your own, who would know?
Many of the leading websites such as the aforementioned Gawker use this strategy constantly, and it nets them REAL CASH! That's REAL CASH, people! Combined with crazy people and yellow journalism, the financial rewards are astronomical! Many use one or two of the three, but there's one unifying trait every success on the Web has in common. The fundamental glue that holds them all together....
Friends, I'm about to share with you another ancient secret. The most powerful secret of all. It worked for Mussolini, and it can work for YOU!
Nothing brings results on the Internet like hate! Through the power of sheer hate, YOU can be earning BUCKETS UPON BUCKETS of money EVERY HOUR!
HOW many buckets are we talking? Your average, balanced Associated Press feed bite will earn you five. But with a properly timed, rant-marketed-as-news designed to inflame as many as possible, now we are talking a minimum of FIFTY BUCKETS for EVERY EIGHT-HOUR WORKDAY (or less)! MULTIPLY those buckets by SEVEN DAYS IN A WEEK, and NOW you're earning THREE HUNDRED and FIFTY BUCKETS! See how fast it multiplies? And it doesn't stop there!
By combining YELLOW JOURNALISM, CRAZY PEOPLE, items from REDDIT and HATE, you stand to earn an UNGODLY amount of clicks, which translates into PROFITS that translate into WHATEVER YOU CAN IMAGINE. Mansions! Yachts! Tanks! Go to space! Bribe your favorite congressman! The sky is the limit!
One last secret: whatever you do, DON'T forget the comment section! Any comment section under an outrageously biased half-truth article is guaranteed to attract the lowest of human life-forms, who will squabble and bicker between themselves over and over, refreshing the page constantly and bringing you CLICKS UPON CLICKS!!!
So what are you waiting for? Start your own website and fill it with crass lies TODAY! You can do it! Don't end up like the millions of fools who draw webcomics and sell handmade items, and think anybody could possibly care!
There's a vast innocent public out there just waiting to believe anything they read, and a profitable cyberbusiness can be set up with nearly no effort! Join the revolution or get left behind...THE POWER IS YOOOOOURS!
*A little over 256 hours, if you do that math.